the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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