he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
