I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My penis needs a shock collar
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
