I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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