can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
