she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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