I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
