I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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