you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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