We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize