69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
