overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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