do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
