Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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