if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
