You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
