My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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