Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
