Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
