So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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