I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
