you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
