maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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