i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize