Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Houston, we have a blender
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
