I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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