Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
