pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
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