She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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