I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
