he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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