You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
