What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
