I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
