How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I party with great urgency now.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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