cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
