I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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