She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
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