I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
