the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
