Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
