before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
