Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
