Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
