I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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