Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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