Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
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