tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
