I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
