I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
