there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
worst night to have a conscience
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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