So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
