i wish starbucks made bloody marys
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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