i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize