Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
