im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
