I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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