it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
