sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
