Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
