If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize