I'd wear matching sweaters with you
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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