I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
