I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
