That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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