I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
