Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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