her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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