oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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