38 yer olds are good kisserssss
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
