I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
