did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
