Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
