i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
