my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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