just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Ketchup is God's man juice
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
