I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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