I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
