Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
