I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
