Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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