i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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