Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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