Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
