you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
