hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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