she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
