So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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