Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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