Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
