"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
