My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I need moral support for this bender
I will be naked everywhere
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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