he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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